COLD OPEN
INT. THE MIDDLE C PIANO BAR – DAY
Asleep at the bar, KAT snores to the irritation of the other PATRONS. SHEILA coughs
increasingly louder while MAX, RANDI, GIDEON, and DARREN poke her to no avail. But Kat
startles awake when CARTER dings a SHOT GLASS. Carter: “Look what our Kat dragged in.”
Yawning, Kat spills about her all-nighter cleaning up after the puppy yoga class customers.
INT. KAT’S CAT CAFE – DAY [FLASHBACK]
Clutching a beautiful orange CAT, Kat hisses at some fluffy yapping PUPPIES. The WOMEN
IN YOGA PANTS struggle to reign their pets in. Kat: “Nama-stay downward, dogs!”
INT. THE MIDDLE C PIANO BAR – RESUME
Carter snorts derisively as he continues cleaning. Kat: “You have no idea how hard it is to run a
cat cafe. You couldn’t handle getting hissed at, bitten, or worse if you don’t get the milk just right.
And don’t even get me started on how the cats react!” More snorting ensues from Carter.
Sheila chimes in to support Carter. “I started work at the cafe drug-addled and sleep deprived.
No one’s died yet.” Carter: “Dang! Sheila’s running the place in her sleep! Bet I could do it, too.
Can’t say the same for you, Kat. The bar’s a whole different beast than the ones in your cafe.”
Scoffing, Kat retorts: “OK, you run the cafe. I’ll man the bar. Winner gets bragging rights and
free drinks. Loser cleans the human litter. Toilet box? That’s not right. I gotta get some sleep.”
ACT ONE
INT. THE MIDDLE C PIANO BAR – DAY
Gideon sheepishly questions Kat. “Do I work with you here or at the cafe?” Kat: “This cutthroat
competition is just between me and Carter. But could you pop over and sneak some espresso
beans? I want to impress everyone by making espresso martinis.” Agreeing, he heads over.
Kat talks aloud in an accent: “A scotch on the rocks. Make it a double!” Humming to herself, she
tackles making a SCOTCH and a RUM AND COKE, drinking both. Then Kat whips out a RAG
like an old-timey bartender to polish the bar. Stacking CUPS, she admires her handiwork.
INT. KAT’S CAT CAFE – DAY
Like a pro, Carter wipes down ESPRESSO MACHINES, chops FRUIT for SMOOTHIES, and
maintains the cafe in mint condition. The line is practically gone with his fast-paced work.
“Randi, how come you so stressed out from work? There’s nothing to this cafe business.” Randi:
“Wait til you get a customer working on their next screenplay about a misunderstood
relationship. The last girl threw a damn scone at my head when I told her to just leave his ass.”
With an awkward smile, Gideon slips in, grabs a handful of COFFEE BEANS, and waltzes out.
INT. THE MIDDLE C PIANO BAR – DAY
Kat belts,“If you like piña coladas!” dropping MARGARITA SHAKERS and sliding DRINKS
across the bar to meet their shattered demise. Duetting her, Max plays the PIANO. Gideon’s back
with the beans, which Kat shakily tops on her MARTINIS. “I’ve been testing my creations. Hm,
maybe the beans aren’t enough. Could you go back and bring me like ten espresso shots?”
Curiosity piqued, Max tries an espresso martini, complementing Kat. Her confidence grows.
INT. KAT’S CAT CAFE – DAY
Carter advises a YOUNG WOMAN. “Don’t worry about him. The best revenge is to keep at
your spec! He’ll come crawling when you’re a huge success, but by then you won’t care. Have a
latte fun writing!” Smiling, she takes her COFFEE to her LAPTOP with Randi frowning at her.
Gideon pops in asking for ten espresso shots. Randi: “You’re gonna be up all night! Hey, let’s all
have some!” “Shots shots shots…” blasts from Randi’s PHONE as she pounds back ESPRESSO
SHOTS, encouraging Carter to join in the fun. Grabbing a few shots, Gideon uses the distraction.
Sheila interrupts the pair, asking Carter his plans for sabotaging Kat. “Have you noticed Gideon
running around? He’s clearly doing her bidding.” Randi suggests Sheila sabotage. Protesting,
Carter is shut down by Sheila: “I’m Katherine’s mother. I know how to make her life miserable.”
INT. THE MIDDLE C PIANO BAR – DAY
Excited ELDERLY PEOPLE buzz around, packing the place. Sheila’s retirement home friends
definitely got the memo! Back with the espresso shots, Gideon watches Kat create beautiful
ALCOHOLIC COFFEES. But Kat spirals out of control, giving everyone drinks on the house.
Kat: “All these ladies are too sweet to charge. I’m too socially awkward to ask. But they’re all as
old as my mom. I even recognize a few…” Realization dawning, Kat suggests Gideon sabotage
the cafe. “My mother is clearly behind this helping Carter. So you’re going to help me out. By
any means necessary, I want you to hide the espresso beans. If you do, I’ll take you to IKEA.”
Gideon: “You betta believe-a I’ll see-ya at Ikea!” Swimming through the crowd to answer the
BAR PHONE, Kat learns of a surprise health inspection in a few hours! “Shoot shoot shoot…”
Kat calls Max for help and fretfully explains the unsanitary situation: vomiting elders, granny
belly shots, and a large sweaty shirtless OLD MAN playing the piano. “He’s singing us a song,
but he’s not exactly the piano man.” Full of doubt himself, Max still tries to reassure her.
INT. KAT’S CAT CAFE – DAY
Randi makes a LATTE for a regular, WYATT, but freezes upon seeing a lack of espresso beans.
Poking her head into the KITCHEN, Randi faces TOWERING STACKS of BREAD. Gideon
pops up cheerfully, announcing his Amish friendship bread made from espresso beans. “I wanted
to share the loaf with my friends . . . with absolutely no ulterior motive.” Seeing the rage in
Randi’s eyes, Gideon breaks down with overwhelming guilt and confesses to sabotaging them.
A fuming Randi vents, but Gideon suddenly notices his last LOAF is burning in the OVEN.
Gideon lunges for the FIRE EXTINGUISHER, knowing nothing about its use, and foams up the
place. An unexpecting Carter comes in to ask for Randi’s help with making latte art, but stops
short upon seeing her drenched in FOAM. She snaps at them about their lack of espresso beans
for lattes, let alone latte art, and Gideon’s sabotage. Randi: “I’m a depresso latte – extra foam.”
Protective of his fiance, Carter kicks Gideon out. “And while you’re out, go make yourself useful
and pick up some of those espresso beans!” He then turns to Randi for a makeshift coffee
solution. Randi: “Kat’s got some abandoned coffee gear in her room, like 5 French Presses. But
she stopped using them when she learned the coffee oils from it have chemicals that raise your
bad cholesterol. So, don’t use them for the fat customers – I’ll steal her drip machine for them.”
ACT TWO
INT. THE MIDDLE C PIANO BAR – DAY
Desperately, Kat scrubs the bar clean as though it is one big scratchcard. She flutters around with
disgust finding MOLDY FRIES and CHICKEN NUGGETS stuffed into every nook and cranny.
Max practically sees the steam pouring out of Kat’s ears. He helpfully flits between ushering out
some of the elderly patrons and popping back behind the bar to make some of her drink orders.
Gideon shuffles up inconveniently to Kat and tries to explain the kitchen incident. Half-listening
and hearing, “Express figurines,” Kat sends Gideon off to Corks And Orcs when asked where to
pick up espresso beans. He then sets off in this new direction with an uncertain enthusiasm.
Gideon: “I’ve never seen an orc before. I wonder how they got them all corked in there.”
INT. KAT’S CAT CAFE – DAY
Carter does not know how to use a French Press to save his life. Surrounded by FIVE FRENCH
PRESSES, he presses and pulls on each one of them with frenzied movements. Randi is not
doing so hot, either. She makes TEN CARAFES of DRIP COFFEE and shakes as she pours.
A group of obnoxious TEEN INFLUENCERS complain to Carter. The Queen Teen: “This latte
is, like, not okay. It’s totally un-Instagrammable.” Carter snaps at them to stay in school and get
real jobs. Deeply insulted, they threaten to destory the cat cafe’s reputation with their socials.
Defusing the situation, Randi jumps in, laughing awkwardly, and gives them some COFFEES on
the house as incentive to not leave poor reviews. Carter rounds on Randi with great frustration at
her unprompted involvement in his managerial duties. “What exactly are you managing, Carter?
Your attitude is rude and your coffee is sloppy.” Just when things couldn’t get worse, the same
puppies from the earlier puppy yoga class customers bound in to elicit hisses from the CATS.
INT. CORKS AND ORCS – DAY
Gideon experiences sensory overload. Frozen at the entrance, he stares in awe at all the GAME
MERCH, LARPERS and DND PLAYERS. The owner, ZAC, notices him and introduces himself
in his own ELROND ATTIRE. Zac: “Greetings, fair traveller! What harkens you to Rivendell?”
The MAN playing GANDALF THE GREY interrupts mid-explanation. “Can we wrap this up? I
gotta pick up my kids at 2.” Zac: “Sure. OK, Gideon, come join us. You shall be the Fellowship
of the Ring.” Forgetting why he’s there, Gideon accepts: “Great! Where are we going?”
INT. THE MIDDLE C PIANO BAR – DAY
Kat pours a GIN AND TONIC for an OLDER WOMAN, listening to her share about being a
widow. A nearby OLDER MAN overhears and asks Kat for divorce advice. Interrupting, another
OLDER MAN laments his own relationship problems due to a chronic gambling disorder. Kat:
“I thought bartenders offered paid drinks, not free therapy. My mother should come here more.”
The older woman snatches Kat by the arm as she passes, scrolling agonizingly slowly through an
OUTDATED PHONE to show her CAT PHOTOS. Kat strains to nod and smile politely, but her
patience runs thin. She rounds on the camera: “I don’t have time for cats! I’ve got a business to
run! Oh no. I’m turning into Carter!” With great exasperation, Kat hurries along in a huff.
Unexpectedly, a ringer goes off, which prompts Kat to dive for the bar phone. Max apologizes as
he pulls out his own PHONE to answer. He excitedly informs Kat his agent is calling about his
new song. With the big news, Max steps out for a bit, leaving Kat to fend for herself.
A lone FRENCH FRY sails through the air at this exact moment, smacking Kat in the eye. She
whips around to see Sheila’s friends snorting unapologetically. They loudly chant for more fries.
Meanwhile, a fight breaks out between TWO OLDER MEN insisting neither goes breaking the
other’s heart until one of them upchucks several drinks worth of fluid on the nearby piano keys.
INT. KAT’S CAT CAFE – DAY
Carter sneezes from all the pets around him. Through blurry eyes, he makes out Gideon waltzing
through the cat cafe door dressed as GANDALF THE WHITE with a LIGHTSABER and
HARRY POTTER GLASSES. Gideon: “I’ve vanquished the orcs! Those fools should’ve known
when to fly!” With a strangled noise, Carter asks Gideon for the espresso beans, which he forgot.
Carter: “You didn’t get the beans? Where’d you go to look for them, the top of Mount Doom?”
ACT THREE
INT. THE MIDDLE C PIANO BAR – DAY
Cheerfully, Max returns, only to find Kat in distress. He leads her over to a barstool: “You don’t
look so well. Let’s chat before you get too catty, Kat. Darren can cover.” Kat: “This bar is
everything my cafe isn’t. Booze instead of lattes. Drunks instead of aspiring screenwriters. And
where are all the cats?” Max sympathizes, adding these were some reasons he quit bartending.
INT. KAT’S CAT CAFE – DAY
Randi lets Gideon have it and he reacts by fleeing to the kitchen, upset. Tension mounts between
Carter and Randi as he insists she make peace with Gideon. “Wizard or not, he’s got an extra set
of hands we could use to fix this mess!” Reluctantly, Randi follows Gideon and they have a
heart-to-heart, during which he mentions an old family tradition that might save the day.
INT. THE MIDDLE C PIANO BAR – DAY
Kat admits defeat: “It’s hopeless! How am I going to impress that young health inspector now?”
Overhearing this, Sheila is flattered by the emphasis on, “Young.” So she reveals herself.
Over a quick FLASHBACK, she’s shown to be using a fake peppy voice over her PHONE
pretending to be the health inspector. Flicking the phone closed, she coughs. “Yep, still got it.”
Whistling like an espresso steam wand, Kat marches over to ring the LAST CALL BELL. But
the bell is just for show. Kat improvises: “Fire, fire! Fire sale at Bloomingdale’s! Don’t miss it!”
This turns heads and the elderly patrons clamor out the door, instantly vacating the entire bar.
INT. KAT’S CAT CAFE – DAY
Gideon does in fact save the day by turning the watery coffees into his famous AMISH COFFEE
SOUP. This is a hit with the customers, especially paired with his Amish friendship bread offered
at a discounted price. Kat, Max, and Sheila finally return. Folding, Kat sadly congratulates
Carter, but he cuts her short with his own apology acknowledging how hard it is to run the cafe.
TAG
INT. THE MIDDLE C PIANO BAR – DAY
Kat, Max, Randi, and Gideon play JUMANGI around a table, dressed as FRODO BAGGINS,
KYLO REN, THE DOCTOR, and GOLLUM, respectively. Sipping wine by the bar on a stool,
Sheila comments on the action judgementally. “You all look like a bunch of Comic Con freaks.”
She uses her glass to admire her own reflection, wearing a PRINCESS PEACH CROWN herself.
Carter and Darren man the bar without a hitch, enviously drawing Kat’s awe. Yet Carter rudely
reminds Kat of the bet. “You’re not out of the woods yet, hobbit. Your next adventure is to clean
my toilets. And they nasty.” Kat: “I don’t think I’m quite ready for another adventure.”
Shrugging, Kat smiles and waves to the camera along with the rest of the cast as “Kokomo” by
the Beach Boys plays. She mixes drinks with Max and Darren while Carter and Randi dance
together and Sheila happily continues enjoying her wine. Gideon acts like Gollum, stealing THE
ONE RING from Kat. The bar patrons, puppy yoga customers, and influencers appear as well.