How-To Make An Egg-cellent Meal (There Aren’t Any Eggs Involved, I Just Wanted To Use A Food Pun)

Today I was tasked with making dinner and, as someone who’s probably one of the least kitchen-savvy people in all of existence (seriously, left to my own devices I would happily subsist solely on a slice or two of bread with shredded cheese sprinkled on top and then melted in the microwave), I surprised myself by stepping out of my comfort zone and attempting to cook up a new meal on a whim.

So, I decided to make 3 separate things to later combine and make the whole cooking process harder on myself. Why? I dunno. Change of pace and novelty, I guess. We can all relate to that lately, right? Ha.


First, I started by filling a small-to-medium-sized pot halfway with water so that I could put buckwheat noodles into it (which, contrary to the name, are surprisingly gluten-free) once the water boiled.

While waiting for said water to boil, I began cutting up a single eggplant into rounds and then slicing those pieces up into half-moons.

Photo by Toa Heftiba u015einca on

Then, I put sunflower oil and garlic oil onto two pans, threw the eggplant chunks onto one of them and let them sit without any heat on just yet.

Next, I submerged the buckwheat noodles into the boiling water and cooked them for about 6 minutes while stirring occasionally so they wouldn’t stick to the bottom of the pan.

Photo by Klaus Nielsen on

Once the noodles were done, I plopped them into a colander, drained them of hot water, rinsed them with cold water and let them sit back into the pot for now.

I then began the long and arduous process of cutting a block of tofu into tiny cubes and then covering each cube with corn starch on all sides. This took an embarrassingly long amount of time, so I was watching the Netflix show Emily In Paris in the background as I did this. Once all the cubes were finally coated, I carefully arranged them in an aesthetic way (i.e. to cover the entire surface area like a spiral) on the second not-yet-used oil-covered pan. I kept the heat off for now.

Photo by Polina Tankilevitch on

Moving on, it was time to start frying the eggplant chunks and tofu. Technically, I could have been cooking and cutting and boiling and dicing all these things simultaneously, but I’m a chronically anxious human being rather than a master-chef multitasking octopus, so slow and steady was the strategy here.

For the eggplant, I kept it at a medium heat and flipped the pieces occasionally until the edges began to turn a brown-golden colour. Once achieved, I threw on the noodles, leaving them and the eggplant on a very low heat. I then started to fry the tofu until all sides of each piece also turned a brown-golden colour and chucked them on there, too. Lastly, I added 1 tbsp. of soy sauce, 2 tbsps. of oyster sauce and 4 tbsps. of water. Mixing everything together on a medium heat, I ended off by poking at it a few times with my spatula until I was satisfied with the result. I had leftover tofu, so I will be using that with some vegan cheese as a tasty protein snack (I eat gluten-free, my partner eats dairy-free and oftentimes we end up eating vegan, so this is a good recipe to satisfy pretty much anyone except for picky-eaters. Although, I would replace the soy sauce with something else if you have celiac disease, just to be on the safe side).

The final product! Photo taken by me. The meal ended up serving 3 people perfectly, which was the goal.

The end result? It was delicious! I’m genuinely surprised I could make something as tasty as that. I will definitely be cooking this meal again. Hopefully the process will be quicker as I attain master-chef skills.

How does this cooking post relate to my usual mental health themed content? Well, trying new things or learning new skills, going out of your comfort zone and eating good food all help to alleviate a bit of existential dread while keeping you fed. Plus, it’s strangely meditative and gives you some independence.

If you try out a similar kind of meal with your own unique twist, I would love to hear about it. Also, I’m interested in any quick, easy or strange meals you may know of and enjoy. I’m always looking to learn!

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